remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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