Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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