I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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