I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
