I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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