well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Randomize
