I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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