the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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