i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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