I puked a lego.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
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