and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
