She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
