drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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