whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
