Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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