Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
