i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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