i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
