dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
