Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
YAS. BRING CRAB.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
