; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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