You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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