She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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