i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
