Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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