Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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