Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think my moral compass just broke
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