I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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