hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
