I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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