god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
