sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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