I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
