I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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