Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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