We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
