TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
