I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
