hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
