it hurts more in the daytime
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
