And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
