So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
