Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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