Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
