Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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