I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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