When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
