Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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