god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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