i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He better not be in your backpack
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
