about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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